i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How does one acquire holy water?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
