where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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