Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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