Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
