I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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