GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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