walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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