There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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