if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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