I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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