You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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