I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
