If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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