She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
