Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
