Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Found the puke drawer
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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