Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I supernannyed him into submission
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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