OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
