hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
People in love make me want to vomit
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
