She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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