I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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