You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize