You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
