aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My dick has a subreddit
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
