so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
