so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
