PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize