I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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