david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
