all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
