And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
