My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
