Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
