This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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