I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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