im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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