Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
