The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
