Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
