i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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