Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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