he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize