I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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