she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
