Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
