White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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