they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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