I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
