ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
