Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize