And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
