then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
