Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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