So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
