drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
