Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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