you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
