I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
