Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize