But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
