Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
