after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
