If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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