if you like me you must not know who I am
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
