The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
