apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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