so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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