Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
