WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
