Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
