I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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