That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
