Your tits are I can't wait for
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
