I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
